


Not What We Seem

by KZDipped



Category: Eddsworld - All Media Types, Gravity Falls - All Media Types
Genre: Denial, If any of you have watched the series elements of the plot will be obvious, Paranormal Investigations, Secrets, So Bear With me, The Gravity falls Eddsworld crossover no one asked for, because I can and have spent hours planning the entire series, but I am changing up a large portion of the plot, but you're getting anyway, it's Gravity falls what did you expect, it's gonna be a rocky ride, so many
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-22
Updated: 2016-10-24
Packaged: 2018-08-23 21:45:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,067
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8343997
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KZDipped/pseuds/KZDipped
Summary: Matt and Edd are paranormal investigators who have come to investigate the strange goings on in the sleepy town of Gravity Falls, Oregon.  Shenanigans ensue!





	1. Setting Sail, Episode 1/2

Two buses ran through the sleepy town of Gravity Falls, Oregon: one in the morning, and one at night. Often there weren't any passengers coming or going from these transports; but this morning, two men dismounted from the vehicle: one in a green hoodie and jeans, the other in a purple hoodie and green overcoat combo, paired with blue pants. Each had rather a large suitcase covered with souvenir stickers from the places they'd been, and they talked as good friends. The shorter, green clad man consulted a small map, then they set off across town, zigzagging through side streets and generally attracting the attention of the locals. Of course there was a chance these were just tourists, the townsfolk told each other, and when the duo set off along the road leading into the woods, they felt completely reassured. The only thing out there was an old tourist trap that hadn't been in business for years. And they were correct, that was exactly where the pair were headed; the Mystery Shack. 

They surveyed the ramshackle house doubtfully; it seemed about ready to fall apart from disrepair. But nonetheless, this was the place from the Craigslist ad, and it wasn't like they had anywhere else to go. The shorter knocked on the front door, and after a moment’s pause it opened to reveal a short spiky-haired man in a blue hoodie, certainly a year or two younger than the arrivals, with an exhausted air about him. “What do you want?” His strangely black eyes bore into the strangers. 

The man who had knocked smiled cheerfully. “Hi! I'm Edd, and this is Matt. We spoke yesterday on the phone about the room for rent?” 

“Oh. Right.” The man sniffed, then extended his hand in greeting. “Th’ name’s Tom. Come on in, I'll show you the place.” Edd and Matt followed him inside, leaving their luggage by the door. “Wow… Crazy place you got here!” Matt piped up, gazing at the supernatural memorabilia scattered through the house. 

“Yeah, my old roommate was pretty obsessed with this stuff, never got around to cleaning it out after he left.” Tom shrugged, then motioned down the hall. “Down there's the kitchen, and what used to be the gift shop, haven't really done anything with that since either. Living room’s over there, and my room and office are down the hall. Your room’s up here.” He pointed to the stairs, then started up. “If it bugs you I can get all this junk cleared out by tomorrow probably.” 

“No no, we think it’s awesome! We love the supernatural!” Matt exclaimed, following Tom upstairs. 

Edd laughed and agreed, “Yeah, that’s kind of the reason we want to move out here, we heard this town is known for strange phenomenon.” 

Tom noticeably stiffened. “Yeah? Like what?” He paused at the top of the stairs. 

“Oh, all sorts of mythological creatures in the woods, and weather related phenomena, and vampires, and gnomes, and UFOs, and CHIPMUNKS.” 

“Matt, we’ve been over this, chipmunks aren’t supernatural.” 

“Of course they are! How else could they fit so many acorns into those tiiiiny little cheeks? Dark wizardry, obviously!” 

“Yeah, well, not sure you’ll find anything like that,” Tom replied, continuing into the hall. “I’ve lived here for eight years almost, and I haven’t seen anything out of the ordinary, not even chipmunk wizards.” He showed them into a medium sized bedroom, with a sloping roof and large stained glass window shaped like a triangle on the back wall. There was a bunk along either side of the room, as well as a side table beneath the window, and a dresser in the closet. Otherwise the room was plain, with not much evidence of ever having been used before. 

Edd glanced around the space and nodded. “Looks good to me.” 

“Wait a sec-“ Matt swung the door partially closed, then let out a sigh of happiness as a full length mirror was revealed. “Yep. Perfect.” 

“Alright, I’ll leave you two to get settled then. You can have free rein of the house, except for my room and the study at the end of the hall. Help yourselves to anything in the kitchen; if you need me I’ll be in the living room.” Tom gave a half wave before heading downstairs. 

Edd plopped down on one of the mattresses, bouncing slightly on the springs. “What do you think Matt? Are we gonna find what we’re looking for?” He pulled a tattered paper from his pocket, revealing a faded sketch of a chimera, with the signature RL in the bottom corner. 

“Indubitably.” Matt straightened his jacket, sending a satisfied smile to his mirror self. “I’ve got a good feeling about this.” 

An hour later Edd was wandering the small woodsy area around the shack, taking in the sights and sounds of the area. Matt was still inside arranging his novelty toy collection in and around the room, and had opted out of the short expedition. The wind blew through the tall pine branches, barely audible over his footsteps and the chirrups of various woodland creatures. There hadn't been anything vaguely supernatural as of yet; but then again, if it was that obvious, this place would’ve been found out long ago. 

After about twenty minutes of walking, Edd came upon a small clearing, a circular break in the trees with a large flat boulder in the center. He hummed happily; this was a beautiful place, perfect for a quick sketch stop. Edd considered himself somewhat of an amateur artist; while he specialized in cartoons, he’d always wanted to do more realistic work, and took any chance to get some practice. He pulled his knapsack off and took out his sketchbook, taking a seat on the rock as he did so. He stayed there a few minutes, drawing the trees and plants around him, until a marking on the rock beside him caught his eye. 

It was a strange symbol carved into the stone; it looked as though it had been etched in with a pencil, probably traced hundreds of times to make the mark. It must have meant something to someone then. Taking up his own pencil with a smile, Edd traced the lines for himself; two sharp points, leading into a curve and ending with a diagonal line in the opposite direction. Almost as an afterthought, a small dot lay next to it, and just as Edd touched the point of the lead to the dark period, a shifting rumble came from within the stone 

Edd stood up with a startled exclamation, as he watched the stone slide back to reveal a metal compartment set into the ground. He peered into the hole in surprise; it wasn’t very large, about 2 x 2 x 3 ft, and filled with an assortment of strange items. 4 books were the foremost items, neatly stacked on each other and each with the same symbol that had been carved on the rock; the only difference were that one of the symbols was red, another was purple, one more was blue and the last was green. Besides these, there were several handguns, an anime poster, a box of cigars, and a carefully folded red hoodie. 

Edd lifted out the stack of books and sat back on the grass, picking up the blue marked book first. As he opened it, he realized they weren’t really books in the published and printed sense, but journals filled with notes. This one was filled with a lot of complicated equations and diagrams; ugh, math. Setting that one to the side, he picked up the green book next; now this was far more interesting! The pages were covered in drawings and descriptions of supposedly mythical creatures, including where to find them! Excitement growing, Edd flipped pages until he found a space, where one had been obviously torn out. He took the folded up paper from his pocket, smoothing out the creases and fitting it to the tears. It fit perfectly! This was amazing! 

Edd skimmed the rest of the book then set it to the side, resolving to read it more carefully later. Next he took the purple journal; for a moment he was unsure of what he was reading. The words were formatted similar to poetry, but were unintelligible. He would have to give it a closer look later as well. Finally Edd opened the red journal; this one was the most worn, and seemed to be written more like a diary, with dated entries, very unlike the scattered notes of the other books. Edd flipped to the first page and began to read. 

__

_Entry #1, June 21st, 2008_

__

It’s been three days since Red Squad established operations here in Gravity Falls. So far all has gone according to plan; none of the locals seem to suspect anything, besides the natural suspicion of outsiders in a small town. The house Blue Leader selected is perfect for our needs; he and I are staying there on the outskirts of town, while our other associates take on identities in town, hopefully to our benefit. Work on the bunker has already begun, with a second in progress as well. 

__

Everything would be moving far more efficiently of course, if Blue Leader hadn’t STOLEN MY LAPTOP. It was a petty and childish move on his part; and I am holding his bass ransom until he returns them. 

__

Otherwise, there have already been several sightings of strange creatures in the woods. In between work on Project ND, I’ll try to investigate these farther, and ascertain whether they can be used toward our goals or not. 

__

The project itself is coming along nicely, all simulations have been successful. I will record all further developments carefully; this is the defining moment for Red Army, if we fail here all is lost. 

__

_Red Leader_

____

Edd closed the book with a thoughtful hum. The handwriting was similar in all the books, so this “Red Leader” must have written them all. He flipped to the back of the journal; the last entry was in 2010, and shorter than the others. It simply stated, “Testing phase is through, device is to be tested tomorrow.” After that there were only blank pages, save for a few odd stains. 

____

Well, this was an unexpected development (on their first day too!). Edd picked up the green and purple books, shoving them along with the red into his bag. He glanced at the blue book, but elected to leave it for now, placing it back in the chamber with the other items. Experimentally he touched the boulder, then attempted to push it back into place, but neither technique worked. 

____

The distinct snap of a twig underfoot came suddenly from the trees to Edd’s right; he whirled around in surprise, but could see nothing. Spooked slightly now, Edd glanced once more at the formerly hidden compartment, then decided to come back with Matt as soon as possible to investigate further. Dragging a branch over the hole in an attempt to hide the items, Edd strode off back through the woods, bag heavy with the newly found secrets. 

____

“Wow! And you found all this just now?” Matt was flipping through the green journal, eyes wide. They were sitting at the kitchen table, Edd having just revealed the treasures. 

____

“Yep! There’s more stuff there too, but I couldn’t carry it all, so we’ll have to go back for it.” Edd glanced over Matt’s shoulder, skimming a particularly interesting page about a “gremloblin”. “I dunno who this Red Leader guy is, but he’s definitely the one who wrote that page, and these books are gonna make our lives a whole lot easier.” 

____

Just then Tom walked in, can of cola in his hand. “Watcha guys-“ His eyes fell on the red journal and he froze, before resuming his obviously usual indifference. “What’s this?” He picked up the journal, turning it over and opening it carelessly. “Research notes or something?” 

____

Edd and Matt exchanged a look, before Matt piped up cheerfully, “Edd found them in the woods today!” He reached for the purple journal, passing the green one to Edd, and opened it to a random page. “We think they’re from someone who used to live around here!” 

____

“Is that so.” 

____

“Yeah, the journal entries are dated back from 2008.” Edd looked up at Tom, curious. “Did you ever know anyone who went by the name Red Leader?” 

____

Tom hesitated before answering, seemingly absorbed in reading a particularly tattered page, then looked up. “Can’t say I have. Bit of a stupid name really.” 

____

“What about Blue Leader?” 

____

“Nope. New to me.” Tom chuckled slightly, before closing the book. “This seems like some kind of elaborate prank if nothing else. Are the others as funny as this? What’re they about?” 

____

“Oh, this one has magical creatures, and I couldn’t understand that one, it must be written in some other language, code maybe.” Edd shrugged. 

____

“Really? I think it must be poetry!” Matt ran a finger down the first page, eyes following the gibberish clearly. “This one’s about a cat!” 

____

“Ooookayyy…” Edd laughed, unsure whether Matt was joking or not. He turned back to Tom. “Would you like to join us? There are tons of notes to go through, we could use the help.” 

____

“No thanks, I’ll leave you guys to your little treasure hunt. See you later.” Tom headed off down the hall towards his room, but it wasn’t until later that Edd would realize he had taken the red journal with him.

____

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First chapter done! I hope you all enjoy, and let me know if you would indeed like to see more of this series! As of now I have the entire book planned out, but only the first two chaps written, so if you guys tell me you'd like to read the rest, I'll be far more motivated to write it lol :P  
> Thanks for reading!


	2. Cool Patrol

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Didn't anyone tell you nerds there were gnomes in the woods?

Edd didn’t catch Tom that evening, or the next morning; so, opting not to disturb their new roommate and potentially get on his bad side already, he and Matt set out early to claim the rest of the items from the tiny vault. When they arrived though, Edd was alarmed to see the branch dragged off the chest and the items strewn across the dew-ridden ground. He bent over and picked up the now soggy hoodie. “Something got to it before we could.” His disappointment was obvious. 

“Or someone. Didn’t you say there was a book too? I don’t see one.” Matt kicked one of the guns, watching it skid across the grass. 

“Oh come on Matt, who else would even care about some old math book?” Edd shook the hoodie, slight frown coming over his face; it was a little heavier than he thought it should be. “Nah, must’ve been some kind of wild animal.” 

“Or mythical creature! Maybe this is our first clue!” 

Edd shoved his hand into the pocket, pulling out a set of three keys, with a novelty UFO keychain attached to it. “Woah, wonder what these unlock.” He jangled the keys slightly; they were all identical, save slight red detailing around one. “Maybe another hiding place like this one? Why did this guy hide all this random stuff anyway? The books I can understand but clothing?” 

“Maybe he was on the run, and these were the only worldly possessions he had left!” 

Edd glanced up at Matt, disbelief the main expression on his face. “On the run from what?” 

Matt paused, smiling proudly. “Timestoppers.” 

Rolling his eyes, Edd laughed good-naturedly. “Right. You know, if you keep saying stuff like that no one is ever gonna take us seriously.” When Matt didn’t respond, he looked up from the keys once more, surprised at the glare Matt was giving him. “…What?” 

“You don’t believe me?” 

“Well… You say stuff like this all the time Matt, and I can’t think of a situation in which you've been right… It’s just a joke isn’t it?” Edd quickly realized that wasn’t the most appropriate response. 

“You think I’m just goofing off? I’m serious about the mission too Edd!” Matt was getting more angry. 

“You know that’s not what I meant, chill out-“ 

“No, you know what-“ Matt stormed over to Edd’s knapsack where it had been set against a nearby tree, and pulled the green journal out of it. “I’m gonna go find a timestopper, or- or- something, and prove you wrong!” Without another flustered word, Matt hurried off through the trees deeper into the woods. 

Edd stood in stunned silence for a moment. “Wait- Matt!” But he was too late, Matt was long gone. Indecision made his reaction slower; if he followed Matt now, he might be able to catch up; but they could also both get lost easily, neither of them had gone farther than this clearing yet. Wait a sec, he couldn’t he just mark the path as he went? Like a makeshift map. He took out the purple journal, skipping to the end where there were still some blank pages, and marked the clearing in the middle of the spread pages. Edd glanced around the clearing once more, deciding to take the hoodie and the keys with him, and quickly gathering the other items and depositing them in the safe box once more. From there he found the direction Matt had taken off in; taking out a marker, he drew a line on the map corresponding to that route, and started off along the faint path. 

Not much changed in the landscape; at least, not for the first few minutes of hurried walking, and even after that point, the changes were subtle. The trees grew closer together, the sunlight grew more shaded, and the brush got thicker. At least that made it easier to track Matt’s path if nothing else. Edd followed the path of broken branches and trampled undergrowth, marking adjustments on the map accordingly. Eventually though, he came to a sudden drop off, leading into a ravine of sorts. Edd peered down into it; there were no more obvious tracks, and if he didn't have to go down there, he didn’t want to. 

It occurred to Edd right then that both he and Matt had cell phones for situations just like these. He pulled his out and opened the messenger app, typing out a quick question. 

_**E: Matt, where r you?**_

 _ **M: In the woods**_

 _ **

E: obv, I mean where did u go? You shouldn’t run off on ur own like that, it’s easy 2 get lost 

M: I found something, ur gonna love it! It’s a surprise tho 

E: can you find your way back 2 the house? 

M: ya be back later 

E: please tell me you didn’t go down this ravine thing 

E: Matt? 

M: I'm fine ttyl

**_

Edd frowned at the phone. If Matt said he was fine, then maybe he really was worrying about nothing? He glanced down the ravine again. There were no obvious footprints at the bottom, and Matt replied fairly quickly… Alright. If Matt wasn’t back by the evening, he would go out and look for him. Otherwise, he couldn’t really do anything else right now. Yeah… Matt would be fine on his own for a while. He turned and looked back at the way he came, then glanced down at his makeshift map. He would head back to the shack for now, and wait for Matt to come back. 

Several minutes later Edd entered the shack, slinging his bag off at the door and bringing it to the table in the living room. He unpacked the last of the contents from the vault, leaving the hoodie in his bag but setting the keys and purple journal, along with his sketchbook on the table. He opened his sketchbook just as Tom walked in, taking a seat at the couch. “Hey Edd. Where’s Matt? Figured you two would be exploring today.” 

“Oh, Matt ran off, I think I kind of upset him.” Edd scribbled down a note about the contents of the chamber, highlighting the mystery keys with a thick underline. “He said he’ll be back soon though.” 

“Ah.” Tom turned a page in whatever book he was reading, then glanced up. “Did you find anything interesting from those books?” 

“Not much yet, but we went back to the site where I found them earlier, and the rest of the stuff I had left was thrown around the grounds.” He shrugged, sketching out a more detailed drawing of the chamber itself next to the notes. “Something must have got into it. Weird that the last notebook was issuing though.” Edd looked up. “By the way, where did you put the red journal last night? Couldn’t find it after you looked at it.” 

“Oh yeah, I set it down somewhere…” Tom got up, body angled away from Edd, and reached for an object on the shelf above the couch. “Here ya go.” He brought the journal to the table, handing it to his roommate. 

“Thanks.” Edd opened it and flipped through, scanning for anything helpful. 

“You said there was another book? Why didn’t you grab it before?” Tom pulled a chair over, taking a seat beside Edd. 

“I dunno, didn’t seem that important at the time, just math equations and stuff. Why, do you think it mattered?” Edd turned a page carelessly. 

“Heck if I know. Just curious.” Tom pulled the purple journal towards him, opening it to a random page and staring at it in confusion. “Is this stuff coded or something?” 

“I’m not sure, I couldn’t make sense of it. Matt claimed he could read it, but…” Edd shrugged, laughing slightly. “He kinda says stuff like that all the time, right? I think he’s joking.” 

“I’ll take your word for it.” 

Just then Edd’s phone buzzed. He pulled it out of his pocket at lightning speed, scanning the incoming text with perhaps more worry than he intended. 

_**M: Edd I got smthng 2 show u!!**_

 _ **E: Where?**_

 _ **

M: down the ravine hurry! 

E: k I’ll be there in a min :) 

M: you’re gonna be surprised! 

E: why 

E: good surprise? 

E: MATT 

M: good surprise, cmon!

**_

Edd pocketed his phone, gathering up the journals and his sketchbook and shoving them in his bag. “Sounds like Matt found something, I’m gonna go check it out.” 

“Cool.” Tom leaned back in his chair, pulling out his own phone with a bored expression on his face. “Have fun.” 

Edd paused, halfway toward the door. “You wanna come?” 

“Nah, I’m-“ Tom hesitated for a moment, considering the offer. “Actually, sure.” 

“Really?” 

“Yeah, I know the woods pretty well anyway, so if you wanna stumble around for a couple hours might as well have someone who knows the terrain.” Tom stood up. “Lead the way.” 

Edd nodded happily, and the pair headed out, Tom not even bothering to lock the door behind them. They headed off into the woods, going to the clearing first then heading off along the path Edd had marked, occasionally consulting the map in the journal when it became unclear. Before long they had reached the ravine. Edd hesitated at the edge, but Tom continued, sliding down the slope before walking on. Feeling a little silly for stopping, Edd slowly skidded down, then ran to catch up. They walked on for a few more feet, before stopping in a pine thicket, unsure of where to turn next. 

“So… Did Matt specify exactly where he was? Because I don’t exactly see anything worth noting here.” Tom glanced at the trees surrounding, expression dull. 

“No I don’t think so… Just a sec, I’ll text and ask.” Edd pulled out his phone and began to type out a message, but a call from Tom prompted him to look up. “What?” 

“You might wanna take a look at this.” Tom motioned for him to come nearer, pulling a tree branch aside so Edd could peer through. 

Edd came forward and let out a gasp; probably, this was what Matt had wanted to show them. Just past these trees the forest completely transformed, changing from plain evergreens to sparkling foliage, some parts positively glowing, casting eery shadows around the trees. But that wasn’t the real thing that attracted their attention. Scattered under and around the trunks were tiny houses, the tallest only reaching to Edd’s waist. As he watched, several tiny creatures ran past, only coming up to Edd’s knees. One tripped, and lay still just long enough for Edd to get a good look at it; it closely resembled a stereotypical lawn gnome, complete with the pointy hat and beard, as well as overalls and tiny red rubber boots. It scrambled up, dusting off its knees, and casually glanced up, spotting Edd peeking out between the branches. Letting out a small yelp, it scurried off through the little village, alerting its comrades to the intruders. 

Edd stepped fully into the clearing, watching the creatures disappear. “Woah, look at those little guys! Have you ever seen anything like them before?” 

Tom followed him, still looking unimpressed. “Nope.” 

“I can’t believe this! The rumours were true!” Edd glanced around, slight worry coming on. “I can’t see Matt though, should we-“ 

“EDD! TOM!” A sudden shout rang through the trees, and Edd and Tom turned to see Matt approaching from what appeared to be the center of the village. “Welcome to my kingdom!” 

“What are you talking about- Matt, what are you wearing?” Edd asked, trying not to laugh. 

“Oh these?” Matt twirled, showing off a comically royal robe and crown. “Y’know, only what ROYALTY deserves. Welcome to my kingdom!” Several gnomes, only coming up to Matt’s knees, peered out from behind him slowly. Matt turned back to the creatures, spreading his arms wide. “Not to worry chaps, these are my friends! Meet Edd and Tom!” 

The gnomes, Edd was assuming, moved forward cautiously to inspect the newcomers. Edd knelt down to get a closer look as well, but the closest gnomes scurried away in a hiss, obviously not quite ready to trust these strangers yet. “This is so cool Matt, how’d you find this place?” One of the gnomes climbed up a tree behind Tom in an attempt to investigate his strangely spiky hair, but Tom smacked it away, without even looking at it in acknowledgement. 

“Oh, I er… Walked down the ravine, yeah, and came upon these little fellas!” Matt patted one on the head, rumbling the gnome’s hat to its annoyance. “Very easy, just followed the scent of adventure!” 

“Your Highness, what’s-“ A gnome with slightly longer bangs than his kin and stepped forward and glared at the newcomers. “These guys giving you trouble?” 

“Jeff! No no, these are my roommates, they’re cool!” 

Edd looked down at the gnome, an amazed smile on his face. “Hi Jeff! My names’s Edd. Are you the only gnome who can talk?” 

“What? No, of course not, all gnomes can talk. We just choose not to most of the time.” Jeff folded his arms, unimpressed, as the other gnomes muttered amongst themselves. “Now the content of our speech, that varies, but most of us are extremely intelligent!” 

“Is no one going to ask why Matt is apparently ‘royalty’?” Tom finally spoke up. “A little tall to be a gnome aren’t you?” 

“His Highness doesn’t need to answer that-“ Jeff started, but Matt waved him off. 

“It’s fine Jeffy, stand down for Pete’s sake!” Sidestepping around the gnomes, Matt moved closer to Edd and Tom. “Like I said, I found this little village, along with these guys. They were scared of me at first, but then they saw how handsome and brave I was, and asked me if I would lead them as their king! They haven’t had a king for 18 years, a record time to be without leadership, and they wished for me to fill the position. And really, I am quite charming, so I can see why they would treat me as royalty. How could I say no?” 

“Pretty easily, I think.” Tom shoved his hands in his pockets with a smirk. “Bunch of little freaks if you ask me.” 

“You’re one to talk, no-eyes. Anyway, his Highness is really quite busy, with preparations for the coronation ceremony tonight and all, so I think you’d better get going back to town.” Jeff stepped forward again. 

“I mean… Matt? Aren’t you coming back with us?” Edd looked at Matt, slightly worried. 

“Well… No Edd, not right now. Like I said, these guys need me! I think I’d better stay where I’m most useful.” 

“If this is about earlier, I’m sor-" 

“No no, don’t worry Edd! I’ll be fine, I’m not even that far from the shack, so if I need you I’ll come get you, alright?” 

Edd glanced down, a sinking feeling growing in his chest. “I… I guess so. Um… See you later, I guess?” 

“Yeah, definitely! The ceremony’s at midnight, if you wanna come!” 

“Actually we don’t usually allow outsiders to be present-“ 

Matt cut Jeff off, reaching into his inside jacket pocket. “Oh yeah, and in case you need it, here.” He handed Edd the green journal, grinning sheepishly. “Sorry, guess I should have asked before just running off with it earlier.” 

“It’s fine, don’t worry about it.” Awkward silence for a moment, then Edd chuckled softly. “See you tonight then.” 

“See you Edd! Now what’s next Jeff?” 

“Well now that we’re finally back on task, we need to…” The gnomes and their new leader wandered away, and after a moment, Edd wandered back up toward the ravine, Tom trailing behind him quietly. 

After fifteen minutes-ish, they were back at the shack, and this time Edd sat down on the porch, green journal in his lap but unopened. “So Tom, how’re you feeling after your first supernatural encounter? I assume it’s your first?” He laughed weakly. 

“Yeah, and to be honest that wasn’t very startling. Just weird I guess.” Tom leaned against the porch railing, covering his hands with his hoodie sleeves to avoid splinters. “You alright?” 

“Huh?” 

“I mean, you seem pretty bummed your friend’s hanging with those garden gnomes or whatever.” 

“Eh, it’s his choice when it comes down to it. He’ll get bored soon enough and come back.” Edd shrugged. “They’re playing to his ego though, so that’s not likely to happen for a while. I’ll just have to continue our research on my own.” 

“Speaking of which, any info on gnomes in your book?” Tom nodded toward the journal still in Edd’s lap. 

“Oh, I haven’t checked. Let’s see…” Edd opened the book and began skimming pages, flipping through descriptions of magical creatures quickly. “Unicorns, plaidypusses… Ah, here.” He opened the book properly and began to read, Tom coming to peer over his shoulder. “’Gnomes: Similar to those found in common gardens, rather than made of pottery these small beings are flesh and blood. Danger rating: small individually, large in numbers. They have many strange traditions, blah blah blah, details… They usually rule by monarchy with a queen, sometimes human but also possible to be another being, almost never a gnome.’ That’s weird, what about a king then- oh here we go: ‘Although rare, once every few decades or so a king will be appointed as ruler through an ancient coronation ceremony that must be performed at midnight under the moon. No king has ever survived this ceremony however, as it involved them being SACRIFICED TO THE ANCIENTS?’” 

“Well that explains a lot.” Tom stood up, stretching before waving for Edd to follow. “Let’s go get your friend before he gets eaten or burned alive or something. Any info on where exactly the ceremony takes place?” 

“Uh… No, just that bit about the moon… We have to go get him!” Edd dashed off back towards the woods, stumbling slightly once he hit the treeline but then continuing on. 

Tom followed behind him, at a considerably slower pace. “I just said that. Why don’t people listen when I say the same thing but rationally?” 

In half the time as before, Edd was back at the ravine, this time skidding down and tumbling to a stop at the bottom. He scrambled up and dashed back through the village, dodging angry gnomes. “Matt? MATT?” 

He turned a corner, and almost ran headfirst into Matt, who had been coming the same way. Matt laughed, holding Edd at arm’s length. “Calm down buddy, what’s up? You’re a bit early for the ceremony.” 

“That’s what I’m here to tell you about, Matt, they’re gonna-“ 

“What are you doing back here? I thought we told you we were busy.” Jeff popped out from behind Matt again, stepping between him and Edd. 

“Jeff it’s fine-“ 

“NO, your Kinglyness, it’s not fine. I’m sorry, but you’re going to have to leave. NOW.” 

Edd glared down at the gnome. “Excuse me, but I think I outrank you in who gets to spend time with Matt.” 

“And you can spend all the time you want with him AFTER the ceremony.” 

“But it’ll be-“ 

More gnomes gathered around, slowly crowding Edd until he felt the need to back up, ignoring his attempts to get closer to Edd. “Matt- they’re- IT’S NOT WHAT IT SEEMS! COME BACK TO THE SHACK!” 

Matt looked after Edd worriedly. “I should probably go see what he’s talking about…” 

“Nah, he’s fine, probably just wanted to make sure he got a front row seat or something. You’ll see him in a few hours.” Jeff led Matt back towards a mini amphitheatre of sorts. Matt glanced back at Edd, then continued on towards where the gnomes were gathering to help prepare. 

Edd was finally shoved back to the edge of the ravine, some of the gnomes lurking around the edge of the village as if to make sure the man didn’t try to get back in. He looked for an opening as Tom skidded down the ravine behind him. “I take it they didn’t exactly welcome you?” 

“They wouldn’t even let me talk to him!” Edd bit down on his fingernails anxiously. “How’re we gonna get in there?” 

“Luckily for you I’ve had to sneak into places before. Follow me.” Tom hiked back up the ravine, and after a glance back into the village, Edd followed him. They climbed along the ridge of it for a few moments, circling around the small gorge ‘til they were halfway around, near the rear of the town. “Alright, right about here is good. Look through the trees right over there.” Edd peeked through the branches, careful not to step too close to the edge. They were looking down into a small (by human standards, only about as tall as three people in the deepest part) arena, with a throne in the middle. Gnomes bustled about, and standing near one of the exits was Matt, his measurements being taken by several gnomes with sewing tools. “See him?” 

Edd nodded, pulling back into the trees. “He’s surrounded by gnomes though! How’re we going to get close enough to him?” 

“Carefully. Come on.” Tom grabbed onto one of the tree trunks and used it as a brace as he slid partway down the dirt wall, then motioned for Edd to do the same. Edd slowly followed, slipping far more than Tom, but the trees in front of them provided enough cover not to make their presence obvious. They continued down until they were nearly at ground level, then Tom waved at Edd to stop. Peering out from between the pines, Edd saw they were about ten feet away from the arena. “Okay, wait a sec… Follow me.” Tom darted out into the open just as the last gnome in the area left, and ducked into one of the small archways leading into the ampitheatre. Edd hesitated, then dashed out, joining Tom in the tiny doorway. 

Tom nodded as he approached. “Matt was headed this way, follow the hallway down and grab him as he passes. I’ll stay here and stand lookout.” 

“Alright, thanks Tom!” 

“Don’t mention it. Get going, this is probably going to be your only opportunity.” 

Edd nodded, hurrying off down the path. He reached the end of the hall leading out into the arena, staying just in the shadows and out of sight. 

“…And then I said, that’s not chevron!” Matt’s voice sounded rather close, followed by several gnomes’ chorused laughter. Edd pulled closer to the wall, waiting just around the corner. “Alright lads, a bit of space please, you’re cramping my style.” 

A few gnomes rushed past, probably the ones who had been accompanying Matt, and a moment later Matt himself stepped in front of the archway, just close enough for Edd to easily reach out and pull him inside. He twirled around and yelped in surprise, as Edd glanced back out into the arena to make sure no one had noticed. Luckily, no one seemed concerned, and Edd turned back in to see a slightly annoyed Matt. “What was that for?” 

“Look, I’m sorry Matt, but I needed to talk-“ 

Matt was already distracted, looking back down the hall to the exit. “What’s Tom doing down there?” 

“He’s keeping a lookout, but Matt-“ 

“Why’s he doing that? I mean, security is definitely important, but I don’t know if that’s really necessary. How’d you guys get back in here anyway?” 

“We had to- Doesn’t matter, Matt, listen!” Edd pulled out the journal and opened it to the page on gnomes. “Read this?” 

“But why-“ 

“Just do it!” 

Matt rolled his eyes and took the book, skimming the page. “Yeah, they only have kings once in a while, so what?” 

“Did you finish reading the page?” 

“Well no, but-“ 

“Finish reading it.” 

Huffing in annoyance, Matt kept reading, then stopped. “Oh. Ooooooh. Um… Not exactly what I had in mind…” 

“Yeah. Come on, we should get out of here.” 

Matt nodded, handing back the book. “Alright. Sorry for not listening to you earlier.” 

With a shrug, Edd headed back toward the exit. “Don’t blame yourself, any of us could have stumbled upon a civilization of murderous lawn gnomes. It was only a matter of time really.” He peered ahead, at the now empty doorway. “Hey, where’s…” 

“Your Majesty?” 

Edd and Matt whirled around to see Jeff, along with several other gnomes, now standing at the entrance they were just leaving. “Oh, uh, Jeff! Long time no see buddy!” Matt laughed nervously. 

“Sir, I thought you agreed to the whole ‘king of our civilization’ thing! You can’t just back out now! Not cool.” Jeff folded his arms in apparent annoyance. 

“Look, that was before I knew that kings have a very low survival rate! I just don’t think this is gonna work out.” Matt rubbed the back of his head anxiously. “I hope you guys understand…” 

Jeff nodded. “Oh yeah of course, that makes sense. I hope you understand why we’ll have to kidnap you then.” 

“Ye- Wait what-“ Matt shrieked as several gnomes came flying at him out of seemingly nowhere, knocking him to the ground without much resistance. “NOT THE FACE!” 

“MATT-“ Edd backed up quickly as more gnomes surrounded him. 

“Yeah, this is the part where you run.” Jeff nodded to the gnomes around him. “ATTACK!” 

Edd ran back out the tunnel, only to attract the attention of more gnomes, which surrounded him quickly. “Now guys, I’m sure we can come to some agreement…” 

“Yeah, no, probably not,” Jeff said from behind Edd. “Now march.” 

The gnomes took Edd to the back of the tiny town, towards a cave Edd hadn’t previously noticed, lit from the inside by strange glowing crystals. They pushed him inside, before rolling a large stone in front of the entrance. “Now if you don’t mind not interrupting again, we have a coronation to get on with!” Jeff called from outside, and before long the sound of gnomes outside faded away. 

Edd pushed against the rock, but it barely budged. “Don’t bother, I already tried.” Tom spoke up from where he was sitting along the side of the cave, previously unnoticed. 

“They got you too?” Edd slid down against the boulder, sitting on the smooth stone floor. 

“Yeah, distracted me and knocked me out, dragged me in here I guess.” Tom tossed a pebble against the back wall, unfortunately not very far away and ruling out any chance of a back exit. “So, got any other ideas?” 

“Matt knows about the ceremony now, but the gnomes aren’t going to let him go.” Edd sighed, throwing another stone towards the wall, but not throwing hard enough for it to impact. “Even if we could get out of here, there are too many of them, we’re way outnumbered. What time is it now?” 

Tom checked his phone, adding its fluorescent glow to the dull lighting. “11:34, they’re due to start pretty soon.” 

“I don’t know then, I don’t know what to do.” Edd pulled out the green journal, reading through the page on gnomes again. “Look at this, it even says ‘no known weakness’. First week here and Matt’s already as good as dead. Maybe we shouldn’t have agreed to do this.” 

“What do you mean agreed? Are you working for someone?” Tom sounded distant, as though he wasn’t really concentrating on the conversation. His phone was still on, and he was scrolling through a page Edd couldn’t read. 

“We were part of a mystery hunting club in college, basically they offered grants to anyone who could provide proof of supernatural occurrences anywhere in the world. This town has always been rumoured to have had strange creatures and geological structures, but whenever anyone went to check it out, they never returned. Guess I can see why.” Edd played with a stray crystal on the floor, rolling it around his fingers. “We took on the challenge, for every bit of evidence we sent back we would get a thousand dollars to continue researching. So much for that, we’re not even going to get ourselves back alive.” 

“I wouldn’t be so sure about that.” Tom stood up and turned on the flashlight on his phone, shining it on the ceiling and walls. “There’s gotta be another way out of here.” 

“And if there’s not?” Edd set the crystal on a rock beside him, looking up at Tom wearily. 

Tom turned toward Edd, flashlight beam now pointed toward the ground. “I didn’t take you to be such a pessimist.” 

“Yeah, well- Wait, did you see that?” Edd picked up the crystal, which was now balanced on top of a very small stone. 

“See what?” 

“Here-“ Edd picked up another stone, placing the crystal on top. Nothing happened, and Edd stared at for a moment before snapping his fingers. “Shine the light at the crystal.” 

Tom did, and they watched for only a moment before the rock underneath the crystal shrunk. Edd motioned for Tom to move the light away, and he picked up the crystal. “It shrunk the rock. The light shining through the crystal shrunk the rock, that’s our way out!” 

“Here, pass it to me.” Tom took the crystal and attached it to the back of his phone, on top of the light. He pointed the now pink tinted light at the stone blocking the door; within a few seconds it was nothing more than a small rock. As the pair headed outside, they realized the coronation was about to start; there weren’t any gnomes around the main path, and light streamed from the arena into the night sky. “We should hurry.” 

“Just a sec-“ Edd grabbed another one of the crystals, strapping it to his cell phone. “Just in case. I’ll grab Matt, you provide a distraction?” 

“Am I allowed to shrink whatever I want?” 

Edd grinned. “Yes.” 

“Then good plan, I’m in.” Tom turned up the light’s brightness, increasing the arc of light. “I’d recommend staying out of my path.” 

“Will do. Meet at the top of the ravine?” 

“Sounds about right. Let’s go.” Tom ran off toward the arena’s main entrance, while Edd circled around the back. He snuck through one of the side entrances similar to the one they used earlier, noting the bright lights flashing from the centre of the arena. Sticking close to the wall so as not to be spotted, he made it to the end of the tunnel without seeing any gnomes, and peered out into the arena from the doorway. Gnomes rushed past, hundreds of them, all heading to the entrance, where Edd could just see Tom at the front of the crowd, keeping them back with wide arcs of shrinking light. Those that were shrunk seemed to get out of the way pretty quickly so as not to be trampled, but even still he wouldn’t be able to hold them for long. As soon as the crowd had passed, Edd took the chance and ran to the centre of the ring, where a stand had been put up with a throne in the middle. As he got closer, Edd saw that Matt was indeed tied to the throne, royal robe missing but crown still perched on his head. 

Matt looked up as Edd ran up the stairs to the throne, pulling out a pocketknife from his bag to cut the ropes. “Edd! You escaped!” 

“Yep, now we’ve really got to get out of here.” Edd cut the last of the cords, then pulled Matt up. 

“Okay, you guys are seriously starting to tick me off.” 

Edd and Matt whirled around to find Jeff blocking the stairs. “Look Jeff, this was just not going to work out, you should really let us go!” Edd slipped his hand into his pocket, reaching for his phone. 

“Yeah no, I don’t think you’re really considering our side of this. I mean, we need a leader, even if it is only for a few minutes before we sacrifice him to our ancestors.” Jeff shrugged. “Basically, you’re not allowed to leave.” 

“What a shame. Try stopping us when you’re tiny!” Edd flashed the blue (?) light of the crystal at Jeff, but rather than make him shrink, he began to grow. 

“Uh, Edd, was this part of the plan?” Matt watched from behind Edd nervously. 

“Noooo… Alright, definitely time to run!” Edd grabbed Matt’s arm and pulled him past the still growing gnome, back toward the entrance. “Tom, time to go!” He called. 

Tom nodded as they drew nearer, and shrunk one more wave of gnomes before turning off the light and following them through a side exit. He glanced behind him, then dashed forward, catching up to the mystery hunters. “What exactly did you do?” 

“I dunno, just did the crystal thing, but he didn’t shrink!” Edd shouted as they dashed through the village, pursued by what still remained of the normal sized gnomes. 

“Well whatever you did, it sure wasn’t helpful.” 

“Guys! He’s coming!” Matt yelled. Sure enough, the now almost tree-tall gnome was pursuing them, albeit slowly as he tried not to trample his brethren. 

The trio reached the ravine, Tom using his crystal to shrink the last of the gnomes still pursuing them while the other two clambered up. Just then the mega-Jeff reached the ravine, stepping up and cornering Edd and Matt. Tom tried to aim the shrinking crystal at him, but Jeff noticed him before he could turn it on and swatted it out of his hands, smashing the phone and crystal. “Now,” Jeff said in a booming voice, “Will you please return to the ceremony King Matt?” 

“Never!” Matt said, grabbing the phone from Edd and aiming it at Jeff. 

“Wait Matt, don’t-“ Edd shouted, but Matt turned the light on anyway, hitting Jeff square on. 

Rather than grow more though, Jeff began to shrink, back to his normal size, then smaller. Soon he was no bigger than the rest of the already shrunken brethren, and his angry screams were unintelligible as Tom picked him up and dropped him into Edd’s bag. “Send that back to your monster hunter club,” he smirked. 

“Wait, Matt, how did you do that?” Edd looked at Matt in surprise. “When I used that crystal it made him grow, how’d you make him shrink?” 

“Wow Matt, that’s actually pretty smart.” Tom nodded appreciatively. 

“Yeah, you saved us!” Edd rubbed the back of his head sheepishly. “Sorry for earlier, I shouldn’t be so quick to discount your opinion.” 

“Aw that’s alright, Edd! Besides, that was kind of a silly theory.” Matt looked back down at the crowd of tiny gnomes trying to scramble up the slope of the ravine. “Now can we go back home? I’ve had enough adventuring for one day.” 

Edd laughed. “Sure, _Your Highness _.”__

“Don’t call me that!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow I can't believe Jeff is dead  
> Also, everything Tom does is _extremely_ deliberate, pay close attention when something plot-enabling happens and Tom is nearby 0-0


End file.
